One Last Cigarette
Yeah, I heard them comin’. Them in their long white robes, and with pillow cases over their heads. They broke down my front door, and burst into my house. What did they want? What else… To hang my fuckin’ ass. So, what did I do? I blew out the candles, leaned back in my chair, and took a long slow drag off of my cigarette. I heard them comin’ down my hall spittin’ some real filthy fuckin’ words out of their mouths. In MY house! I bought this house with my own fuckin’ money!
Sure enough, they come walkin’ into this very fuckin’ room you and I are in, but they didn’t see anything. Nothing but the red glow from my cigarette, see? If you could picture this, imagine a still and awkward silence… Nothing but the creaking of the floor boards beneath their feet. They looked so fuckin’ scared, hah! “Who gave you cigarettes, boy? No matter, you’re gonna give ‘em to me now, and you’re comin’ with us.”. Yup, that’s what the fuckin’ ass hole said to me.
Who does he think he is? So, he want’s to call me “boy”, huh? Oh fuck no, so you know what I did? I just jumped the fuck up with my shotgun in hand, screamed “Fuckers!”, and blast his fuckin’ face in! BLAM! You should have seen them. God, it was funny. They didn’t know what the fuck to do, and they were all covered in his blood. So, I just flick my cigarette at their feet, and whoosh! Yeah, I had poured some alcohol down their earlier that day. Shit, I knew they were comin’, and I knew they’d be knockin’ at my door.
Y’know what? Fire shoots up outta the floor boards, and fries their fuckin’ shit all to hell! They were screamin’ and runnin’, and I was just laughin’ my ass off. “You like that, fuckers?! Come get me now!”, I said to them. So, I took the chair I was sittin’ on, broke the window, and jumped on out. I ran for the woods, and three of them got up on horses and decided to try and chase me.
“Damn stupid nigger, he went that way!”, one of the guys said, or some shit like that. Where the fuck did they learn all this fuckin’ horrible language? So then they go ridin’ after me, into the tall grass. God, what morons. See, a couple of em’ took a tumble and landed in some ditches I had dug in earlier. Yeah, and in those same ditches I had placed in some boards with nails through the backs. You should have heard them scream, hah! “Oh god, my eye!”. Oh well, fuckin’ pricks had it comin’. Tryin’ to snag my cigarettes. Fuckin’ fools.
Well, the last guy got real pissed and yelled “I’m gonna hang you up and skin you alive!”. It was the fuckest thing I had ever heard, that’s for sure. So I just laughed and flipped him the fuckin’ finger. What was he gonna do, huh? Well, he rode on up with his horse and kicked me to the ground. He got down off of his fuckin’ horse and was talkin about how “I’m gonna enjoy flaying you, boy.”. What an ass hole… He forgot that double barreled shot guns got two shots, or some kinda shit.
Well, You know how I enjoy being called “boy”, so I told em’ “My name’s Jeffry, fucker…”, then I tore him a new asshole in his fuckin’ chest with the other barrel. He gasped and wheezed for air, and twitched on the ground like a fish outta water. Fuckin’ pussy. So I tore off that dumb ass pillow sheet off his head, and watched his face as the fucker died. God I loved the look of fear on his face, cause he knew where he was goin’.
After all that I needed a cigarette bad. It was nice to have one last long smoke before heading out. God knows that after all this fuckin’ bloodshed, there’ll be more after me… I’m gonna kill every last one of those fuckers.
